This morning, there were four patients to round on. I had been at the Csection of one; I knew why I wasn’t at the other Csection, since it was the relative of a big surgeon; then there was the lady who specifically requested that nobody but Dr. Knight deliver her (he didn’t make it in time). And finally, Betsy delivered a baby yesterday evening of whom I never heard anything. So that was the only one I had any right to be upset about; but rounding on four patients, of whom I had even been aware of only one, was difficult. I got all riled up, and then smoothed myself down in order to round with Dr. Knight. Betsy idolizes him, and had with great concern for my education arranged for me to work with him yesterday afternoon. We politely stumbled over each other all during office hours, as a result.

He was going to be in L&D all morning. Together we went to check on another patient of Dr. X’s, who started being induced last night. She was about 4cm, and was having her epidural put in. I told the nurse my name and phone number, and said that I would rather be at the hospital three hours early, rather than miss the delivery. She promised to call me. So, figuring that I had impressed on both the nurse and Dr. Knight that I wanted to be involved in this delivery, I proceeded to the office.

Drove back, arrived at noon, walked into L&D to check on the lady, and heard a newborn screaming. (I need to get a handle on myself. I can’t do surgery if I get emotional this easily. Bother it, I’ve been waking up all night for the last week, imagining that my phone is ringing; I’ve been telling everyone how much I want to be at another delivery this week. Why does it seem like everyone is cutting me out of the loop? One day I’m going to be a real grownup doctor, and people won’t do things without me.)

Dr. X had been in the OR area, and had been called with just enough time to run over and catch the baby, without even gowning up – and he hates not gowning up. Ok, I understand he couldn’t call me. But bother it, I do not believe that a lady can get from 4 to complete and pushing in three hours, and the nurse have so little idea that she’s at least dilating.

I called Betsy and asked her to call me when she hears about a patient over the weekend. Then I resolved that I will sit in L&D around the clock, when there’s a patient in labor, rather than miss anything else for my last six days. Forget about being five minutes away from the hospital. If no one will talk to me, that doesn’t work. I can’t think of anything to make Dr. Knight or Betsy call me when they don’t feel like it, and I can’t call the nurses’s station every few hours and ask what my attendings are doing. But once I hear of a patient in labor, I am not going to leave that building again.

Betsy seemed to know that I was about to cry on the phone, and offered to take me out for a drink. Ha. First time anyone ever asked me that one. :) Then she asked if I’d ever told Dr. A or any of the others what I told her, that if I do an OB/GYN residency I would do it in the Other Big City, not here. Well, I said that as far back as February; this program has uncertain accreditation, and other big issues. Besides, I admitted that I’m at least half thinking about surgery. So if they would seriously treat me differently because I’m not coming to their program, then they have plenty of grounds for it. But they never said anything like that to me. I don’t know; maybe the fact that the month is about over, and I haven’t asked them for letters of recommendation or anything, has tipped them off about my plans. So if all the things that are frustrating me are really coming from their disinterest in my learning, then I have not much further use for this. I keep trying to avoid it, but bitchy is the word everyone uses for ob/gyns; I know that’s what I sound like here, and that’s what Dr. A would be if Betsy’s suspicion is true.

On the other hand, I know Betsy has major issues with her employers. . . which she confided to me the other day. So I don’t know if she’s imagining things on my behalf.

I want out of this atmosphere. Just a few more days, please God a few more babies, and I’ll be done.

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