(I’ve been hoping and hoping that my wild emotional connection to deliveries is not a sign that I should really be doing OB. I think it’s partly my desire for action of some kind, other than the office, and partly my desire to actually be part of the healthcare team, instead of continually out of the loop.)

This experience has taught me one thing: Don’t trust people, you’ll get burned. I used to wonder where the interns got their cynicism from. Now I know, because I got it too. If there’s something you want or need, do not trust anyone else to help you with it, no matter what their promises or responsibilities are. You doublecheck as though it all depended on you. Of course, I ought still to be as nice as I can, and help other people, the way I wish but no longer expect them to do for me. We’ll see how long that second half of the equation lasts. Having learned the first step, I’m afraid I won’t be able to forestall the second one forever. One month of internship, I’m thinking, will about do it.

One last circ this morning, which I did to my own satisfaction. It was easy because the baby was nearly 10 pounds.

This morning I went to the ultrasound office, which was as empty as usual, so I got a good deal of my boards studying done, and read a few chapters in At Dawn We Slept too (authoritative history of Pearl Harbor, from both American and Japanese perspectives; the sequel is Miracle at Midway). I’m going to have to add military tactics to my list of subjects I need to get educated on (the short list currently is: theology (orthodox and heretical), church fathers, English civil war, WW2 (which is an endless subject), Vietnam, and of course surgery).

This afternoon Dr. Knight actually let me attempt to insert an IUD (he ended up doing it over my shoulder, but only because of my usual incapacity to find the cervix at vital moments). I also met a surrogate mother for the first time.

And finally, I think I found a good explanation for Dr. Knight’s behavior: the university practice is having tremendous problems of all sorts, and he’s distressed about it. I think, in the beginning, he was that very rare bird, a solo OB/GYN. So just being in a group practice is contrary to his usual method, and then having another member of the group making the decisions, in a way which tends to decrease his personal knowledge of, contact with, and loyalty to, the individual patients, is very difficult for him. So I guess I have to admit that he has a lot on his mind. I’m still ready to be done with this place.

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