Merry Christmas, everyone.

Right now I’m feeling very grinchy because 1) I hate modern Christmas music, and it’s all over the hospital today  2) rounding for 3 hrs on 15 patients – not in the ICU – has got to count as cruel and unusual punishment, and I’m looking for a sample letter from Guantanamo to help me draft a letter to the UN Human Rights Commission to get some redress of grievances.

And to make it worse, the attending keeps saying, “We’ll just hurry up here so we can have some free time on Christmas,” and then makes you repeat yourself three times, and then looks it up again anyway, and then asks illogical questions, and spends ten minutes trying to make a decision, and decides to wait till tomorrow and see how it goes. . . I’d rather just start at the beginning and say, We will do a thorough housecleaning, why not on Christmas morning, and this will take all day.

Can anyone get me a lawyer? I need a hearing with the Supreme Court.

And finally, no one in the hospital cooks nearly as good as my mother, and looking at all of the examples of the American idea of Christmas food is also driving me crazy. If only I weren’t here, I and my family could do so much better than this – fake chocolate on crackers, storebought cooked meat, cookies without any flavor at all.

All I need is a long white beard and I’d be Scrooge’s twin.

[this is so unchristmas-y I wasn’t going to post it at all, but it’s been quiet on here, and I feel better for writing it down, so here we go; maybe when I get out tomorrow I’ll go play my CDs of antique Christmas music, and post some of it on here]